After my son was born I started to collect clean corny jokes or dad jokes. After I got a few I decided to start putting them here so others could enjoy them too! I like the simple short one-liner jokes myself, so I end up bypassing the stuff that is longer than one line. Now I just need my son to get a little older so I can make his eyes roll!
53 dad jokes to use on your kids
In no particular order.
- I got this new stud finder but every time I pick it up it starts to go off.
- German jokes are the Wurst.
- When driving by a dead skunk on the road. It looks like someone ran over the Avon lady.
- What is a frog’s favorite electronic device? An iPad.
- How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
- Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
- Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
- If you are cold where do you go to become hot? To the corner because it is 90 degrees.
- Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
- What do you call an alligator in a vest? An In-Vest-Igator.
- Why is there a fence around a cemetery? Because people are dying to get in.
- What do you call a seagull that flies over the bay? A bagel.
- How do you make an egg-roll? You push it.
- How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
- Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino? Because he was on a roll.
- When is a door not a door? When it is ajar.
- What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
- When a cashier asks if you want your milk in a bag. No just leave it in the jug.
- Did you hear that FedEx and UPS are merging? They’re going to go by the name Fed-Up from now on.
- What do you call someone who takes care of chickens? Chicken tender.
- What do you get when you cross and electric eel and a sponge? A shock absorber.
- Did you hear about the kidnapping on the news? It is ok he woke up.
- What do you call somebody with no body and no nose? Nobody knows.
- Where do you go to learn how to make ice cream? Sunday school.
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.
- Did you hear the joke about paper? Nevermind it is tearable.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
- Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
- Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
- What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
- What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
- The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
- How did pirates collaborate before the internet? Pier to pier networking.
- I don’t trust stairs, they are always up to something.
- Why don’t crabs give to Charity? Because they are shellfish. (selfish)
- I am terrified of elevators. I am going to start taking “steps” to avoid them.
- Why is leather the best thing to sneak around in? Because it is made out of hide.
- What do you call a cow spying on another cow? A steak out.
- What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
- What do you call 2 bananas on the floor? A pair of slippers.
- What is the best way to watch a fishing tournament? Live stream.
- What U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minisoda. (Minnesota)
- What is Iron Man without his suit? Stark Naked.
- Will glass coffins become popular? Remains to be seen.
- My favorite color is purple. I like it more than blue and red combined.
- How can you tell when a vampire’s sick? Because of the coffin.
- What’s blue and not heavy? Light blue.
- Never trust a train conductor. They have loco motives.
- Why can’t the engineer be electrocuted? Because he is not a conductor.
- Why doesn’t anyone ever disagree with a blacksmith? They make good points.
- Why don’t werewolves ever look on the bright side? Silver linings.
- Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under thieir skin.
That is all for now. But as I come across more dad jokes I like I will update this page and add them here!
Share your jokes!
If you have some great dad jokes please leave them in a comment. I would love to read them and add them to my collection!